Because of the lovely problems with the jeep, and other irritating money sucking issues, we are currently in a poor state of parenting. My two older children have to stay with their grandma because i can neither pay the gas to drive them to school, nor feed them. And this makes me feel like a big fat failure. I hate to know someone else is raising my kids! i know they are being loved, and fed! but its not ME doing it, and THAT is a big issue for me. I am a control freak, not an organization freak, or a clean freak, but i want things the way i want them. especially when it comes to my kids. So now i have to deal with this for a few more weeks. until the paycheck comes next month. and i hate it.
But
God is Faithful.
He has provided food, in care of my friends next door. He has given my children a fun time away from home, which is good that they are unhappy in being there. and today i am HOPING to get help with some medicine expences that were going to be ignored for weeks...and that was unacceptable. SOOOOOOOOOO things are OK, just not my favorite.
I just want to be that BELOVED MOMMY who could take care of everything and never speak a wrong word or give a wrong attitude.i know it sounds ridiculous, but its what i always thought I'd be like when i became a mom. and this far i am very disappointed in my own parenthood.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Can i quit now?
Some days i just want to quit this lovely job i DIDN'T sign up for! I am sick of quite a few aspects of my life at this moment. but thats just cuz its a bad day. I am at the end of my patience and caring at the moment. I am tired of being the one that has to be the rock. i am tired of being the one that has to hold things together, that has to make all the responsible decisions, that has to be the one who carries the burdens daily. And my body is starting to show signs of being worn from this stress as well.
The most that i want from this life is basic. Happiness, peace, comfort. there are very small amounts of each of these in my current "season" of life. And i just wonder, how long will it be that i can hold up under this? how long can i ride this roller coaster?
Is any one actually happy? I will meet people that seem to have it all figured out, all together, but then i find out they really dont. that they too are plagued with pain, unhappiness, miscomunication....and are just plain Unhappy too.
so, today is a yuck day. and i have a bad feeling it is the start of my "bad days" season.
at least God is still God, regardless of how i feel.
and that is the string that i cling to.
The most that i want from this life is basic. Happiness, peace, comfort. there are very small amounts of each of these in my current "season" of life. And i just wonder, how long will it be that i can hold up under this? how long can i ride this roller coaster?
Is any one actually happy? I will meet people that seem to have it all figured out, all together, but then i find out they really dont. that they too are plagued with pain, unhappiness, miscomunication....and are just plain Unhappy too.
so, today is a yuck day. and i have a bad feeling it is the start of my "bad days" season.
at least God is still God, regardless of how i feel.
and that is the string that i cling to.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
my hand at photography!
I have always been so interested in Photography and recently my sweet nephew and niece blessed me with their nikon! so i am ALL over the place taking pics. Well you get the pleasure of seeing what i am going to post. unfortunately i will have to sensor the pic.s to keep this a public view. i wont show too much of my kids that way. I have always felt I needed to be safer than sorrier...(??)
So here are a few of my MASTERPIECES! hehehe.....let me know what you think!
I LOVE catching the spectacular colors this way!
Little update
HORRAY!!!!!!!!!!! THE JEEP IS FIXED!!! Kenny is nothing less than a GENIUS!!!!! (hehe, i may be a little bias) But yes, i can USE my jeep again! there is this awesome PEACE in the air today, i dont know what it is, but regardless of what is going on financially or health wise, i have a sense today that it is all ok. its been a while since i have felt this, and i love it. Thank you GOD! :D
Monday, October 13, 2008
the latest of the late
The last year has held quite an amazing roller coaster of Life Adventures for sure! And though we had to go thru the bad to get to the good, the GOOD is getting better every day.I am going in today to see a dr about all the dumb anxiety and stuff I have been having. so that is awesome. And THEN I get to see a dr about my poor dumb busted up leg on thursday!!!! HORRAAAAAYY FOR THAT! I will see that dr and find out what is going to happen, if i need surgery or just have to deal with the dumb pain for the rest of my life! Ugh.
So the latest is that the jeep is torn apart down stairs and kenny is trying to find out WHAT made it die. Spending MORE money we dont have to fix the car isnt my idea of fun that is for sure. good bye cable this month! crap. but i'll have to get it paid next month.
so blah.
Wish me luck!!!
So the latest is that the jeep is torn apart down stairs and kenny is trying to find out WHAT made it die. Spending MORE money we dont have to fix the car isnt my idea of fun that is for sure. good bye cable this month! crap. but i'll have to get it paid next month.
so blah.
Wish me luck!!!
Stupid Is as Stupid Does!
This is something i received via email from a family memeber, and it really got my attention. These are things i Knew but didn't THINK about.
Whether your for or against Obama, if your a Believer you need to read this!
A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they imagine
that America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to themselves.
Pause a moment, reflect back.
These events are actual events from history.
They really happened!!!
Do you remember?
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by a Muslim male extremist.
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
Muslim male extremists.
3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male
extremists.
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by
Muslim male extremists.
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male
extremists.
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old
American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by
Muslim male extremists.
7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens , and a US Navy diver
trying to rescue passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists. (
remember the pilot of this flight was from Richmond , MO )
8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim male extremists.
9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by Muslim
male extremists.
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by
Muslim male extremists.
11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to
take down the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed
into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the
passengers. Thousands of people were killed by Muslim male extremists.
12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against
Muslim male extremists.
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you
guessed it-- Muslim male extremists.
No, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to
ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on
killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile
certain people... Absolutely No Profiling!
They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids,
airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of
the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips,
and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim
Males alone lest they be guilty of profiling.
According to The Book of Revelations:
The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40's, of MUSLIM descent, who will
deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE
Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and
he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he
will destroy everything.
And Now:
Some People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the
face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America . A
Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in
Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his 40's.
Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power
of Reason ???
Take a chance on the 'unknown' candidate Obama...?
As the writer of the award winning story 'Forest Gump' so aptly put it,
'Stupid Is As Stupid Does'
Whether your for or against Obama, if your a Believer you need to read this!
A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they imagine
that America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to themselves.
Pause a moment, reflect back.
These events are actual events from history.
They really happened!!!
Do you remember?
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by a Muslim male extremist.
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
Muslim male extremists.
3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male
extremists.
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by
Muslim male extremists.
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male
extremists.
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old
American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by
Muslim male extremists.
7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens , and a US Navy diver
trying to rescue passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists. (
remember the pilot of this flight was from Richmond , MO )
8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim male extremists.
9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by Muslim
male extremists.
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by
Muslim male extremists.
11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to
take down the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed
into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the
passengers. Thousands of people were killed by Muslim male extremists.
12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against
Muslim male extremists.
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you
guessed it-- Muslim male extremists.
No, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to
ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on
killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile
certain people... Absolutely No Profiling!
They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids,
airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of
the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips,
and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim
Males alone lest they be guilty of profiling.
According to The Book of Revelations:
The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40's, of MUSLIM descent, who will
deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE
Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and
he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he
will destroy everything.
And Now:
Some People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the
face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America . A
Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in
Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his 40's.
Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power
of Reason ???
Take a chance on the 'unknown' candidate Obama...?
As the writer of the award winning story 'Forest Gump' so aptly put it,
'Stupid Is As Stupid Does'
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